breaking point
by hinoiri lwin
Summary: and they suddenly realized that they're in hell, but they realized that they're a soldier too. —yuunoa—


**breaking point** | _because my friend, salvation is needed._ | there is always heaven, because we've lived in hell _._ | _in which they have a talk under the pain, between her and his cruel, but not forgotten, memories._

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 **warnings:**

I don't know why I wrote this. Honestly.

Maybe because there's a little to nothing stories about Shinoa or perhaps I just love _yuunoa_ so much (even though the romance is quite a problem, but well, if you squint a little harder maybe it can reveal itself). I like Shinoa's character, she's so unique, and don't forget her sarcasm. But she always managed to hide her feelings well, and we don't really know about her past and all. I hope Kagami-sensei will tell us more about her.

This story began with a little bit angst, but eventually it will get brighter. Really, I'm honest.

So… this is my second fic for this fandom. I wrote it right away after my first fic finished 'cause I kind of can't stop writing anymore after I listened to ONS drama CD's. All of them just too cute for words and I cracked up when Shinya and Shinoa ganged up on Guren, it's too funny and they're way too cute (I said it again). I suggested this drama CD's to all ONS fans because it's awesome as hell.

Anyway, English is not my mother language so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes or errors or typos. Enjoy reading :D

 **| i do not own owari no seraph |**

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 **01\. slaughter inside an apocalypse**

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She asked him once, when it was raining blood and their cloaks could barely protected them from the cold. She had long forgotten how they had reached this place, and she cared less if they were lost, but they _must_ hide. It was _hell_ all over the earth; grounds cracked to the core; buildings and towers alike crumbled onto their feet; flames scorching over their heated skin.

Pain crawled over her body, and it felt like her bones were breaking all over the place. They had been running for a long, long time now. From whoever tried to kill them; from the monsters; from the vampires. They ran as far as they could, as far as their feet could take them. Boots thumped and thumped on the dusty ground and their hands couldn't stop shaking. But still, their weapons were pinched between their fingers in such a desperate manner.

They continued to run; even though all they wanted was to _stop_.

It was an impossible situation, and they suddenly realized that they were in _hell_ —but they realized that they were a soldier too. So they pulled back over a tree, letting their fear washed the pain away and watch as the sky turned into a disgusting black. The silence remained for a while, and then—

"Why did you do it?" she asked between even breaths, counting on the stars above their head, "For what? Forgiveness? Revenge? Pleasure?"

He merely stared at her form, hazy and pale under the moonlight.

"Would you believe me if I say that I don't know?" he asked.

Shinoa stopped breathing for a moment, "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I just don't." he said nonchalantly. "Not anymore. I guess I had forgotten, or perhaps I'm going numb." his voice was harsh and unforgiving, and she found herself fell into his words a little bit deeper. "I think... I'm doing this all wrong. I don't know, it's all gray now."

It was still again. She could hear sound of crickets mixed with bloodcurdling screams and she prayed to whatever god up there to just let everything stop and disappear. And even though she hated silence, it was all they could afford to feel now. In some part of her mind, Shinoa knew that he was right.

He _was_ right, but at the same time, he wasn't.

"No. Yuu-san, you're not." she whispered into the wind, soft and lulling. "You're wrong. No—maybe you're right. But nothing is black and white. It always comes in between, you know that, don't you?"

The boy beside her sighed, long and bitter, then brought her hand into his and gripped it tight like it was a lifeline.

" _I know_."

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 **02\. stains that can't be removed**

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It was a rainy day, an unexpected one, so they scrambled on their feet and decided that a random abandoned building would be a fine choice to take a shelter under. So she sat under the decayed roof and proceed to stare at her form in distaste, eyeing the horridness of her appearance.

Mud and blood jumbled into an ugly redwood, splattered all over her boots and uniform, smeared its perfect black crimson, and Shinoa hated the picture for it reminded her that no matter how hard she tried, she could not wash the ungoldly thing off of her.

If it wasn't for the blood, then she would be sitting inside the building—drinking hot coffee and drying her wet hair. But she felt dirty, so instead Shinoa stood over the rubble and let the rain washed her clean. At least she _hoped_ it could wash her clean.

"What are you doing?" Yuichiro called over his shoulder when he noticed her standing outside under the pelting rain, drenched to the bone. "Oi, Shinoa! Come inside, it's raining ice out there you know."

But she didn't answer, adamant on her feet, and the others began to worry because it was freezing outside and she was supposed to be inside, warming herself up. They called her again, and again, and again—and yet, it was no avail, for their ever-joyful comrade still stood over her ground, her usually perky face reflected sadness and sorrow that didn't suit her persona.

It was Yuichiro who approached her and pressed his palm against her cheeks.

"You're freezing." he said as he took her hand into another of his, warming it up. "Let's go inside. You will caught the cold if you stay any longer."

"No." she whispered. "Not until it's gone."

He paused, eyes darkening into molten green. "What is?"

She pursed her lips, refusing to answer his question right away. The rain began to fall even harder, even harsher, and it hurt to keep on standing.

"The blood." she breathed out. "I hate its smell. I hate its taste. I hate its color. _I hate it._ "

Hearing her broken voice made his grip tighten. "Don't we all?" he paused for a moment to wipe the blood off her lips, staining his fingers red. "But it never comes off, no matter how much we hope, no matter how much we yearn—it stays."

"I… know." she chocked on her voice, tears mingled with pouring rain. " _I know_."

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 **03\. bonds that came with the blood**

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Shinoa had never known what it's like to have a family. Sure, she _had_ an older sister before (her name is – _was_ – Mahiru, right?), but it didn't count because, well, just _because_. There was so too many faults between them, and yet it was normal. It was perfectly normal because they were a Hiiragi through blood and bone and Hiiragis had long turned their eyes from what it meant to _feel_.

Honestly, she had been so accepting about the idea. She thought she didn't need bond. She thought she didn't need emotion. She thought she didn't need family. And it stayed for a long, long time—the broken ideals that she didn't need anyone beside herself to keep on living inside this twisted world.

Therefore, just imagined it. Just imagine her surprise when she saw her black-haired, green-eyed friend squatted near her (not-really-dead) sister's grave, a bouquet of white lilies in tow.

"What… are you doing?" she asked him, unsure what to do in such an unpredictable situation like this. "Yuu-san…?"

Yuichiro blinked his eyes a few times when he heard her voice. "Ah, Shinoa. You're finally here." he grinned through his teeth, "I have been waiting for an hour y'know? What took you so long?"

"What..?" her eyes twitched, didn't quite believe it that he just greeted her in such a careless manner, like it was normal. Like _he_ was normal. "An hour? What for? And how did you know I was planning to come here in the first place?"

"I heard Shinya-san talked about it. So I decided to come." Yuichiro shrugged his shoulders off, grinning. "Oi,don't just stand there like an idiot. Come here." he patted the space beside him as if telling her to squat with him.

Even though she was still confused about the whole thing, she walked straight to him and put her own bouquet of white chrysanthemums over her sister's grave before she began to chant her prayer. As if he knew what she was about to do, he clamped his palms over and closed his eyes to join her in silence.

"Yuu-san." she began when they finally finished their prayers, "Why are you here, really?"

Yuichiro stared at her for a moment, before he smiled a little. "Do I really need a reason to?"

"Yes." she bit out, "After all, she's my—my… family, not yours."

"But we are family, aren't we?" he chuckled, "Therefore, your family is mine too, you know that right?"

The way her eyes snapped wide and mouth hanged open was ungoldly, but after that—she was content.

The smile that she wore was beautiful, so beautiful.

" _I know_."

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 **04\. perfect smile between halycon days**

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"He called you _Shinoa-chan_." he deadpanned, "I mean, Shinoa-chan? Isn't that, a bit too girly for you?" he pursed his lips, thinking.

If not for the topic they're discussing about, she would have thought that his confused face was cute. "It's just a suffix, Yuu-san. Whether Shinya-san wants to call me with –san or –kun or –chan, it's up to him."

"But it's Shinoa-chan! He called you with –chan, y'know?!" he whipped his head so quickly to stare at her with a totally incredulous expression. "Isn't that, I don't know, _illegal_?!"

Shinoa stared at him for a long, long time, quite gobsmacked with his bizarre behavior. "I really don't understand you and your weird ideas sometimes, but whatever makes you think it's illegal? Humor me, please." her smile was wide and teasing.

Yuichiro gave her a _how-can-you-not-know look_ and Shinoa snickered under her breaths. "Just tell me whatever it is, Yuu-san." she snorted.

"Fine. You better listen—" he cleared his throat out. "First, he's waaay _older_ than you. If he calls you like that it'll completely ruin his image. He'll look like a pedophile, if you didn't notice it."

Shinoa began to bit her lower lips. _What? Pedophile?_

"Second—" As if he didn't realize his amused companion, Yuichiro kept on going with his ridiculous theory. "Like I've said before, it's too girly. I mean, not girly- _girly_ , but overly girly you know?"

"Girly, huh?" she raised eyebrow, smiling darkly.

"NO!" Yuichiro quickly formed a X shape in front of his chest, sweating bullets. "I mean, you _are_ a girl, I know that, b-but—uh, how can I say it? You're not... um... a girly girl- _ish_ type of a girl? Or something like that." he frowned, "You get what I mean?"

 _Girly-girl... what? Is that even a word?_ She thought while clutching her stomach, trying to keep her laughter at bay.

"And—and, when he said it, the –chan suffix I mean, it sounded wrong." Yuichiro bit his lips, "Like, really, really wrong. It sounded an octave or even higher than his voice should be." he paused for a moment, " _Shrilly_ —like he's screeching your name rather than called you, and it gave me the creeps."

 _Shrilly? Screeching? An octave higher? Give him the creeps? What in Kureto's name he's talking about?_

Shinoa couldn't help it any longer, she burst into torrent of laughter.

"O-Oi! The hell Shinoa?! Why are you laughing. This is no joking matter you know?!"

"I k-know, Yuu-san." she chocked on her own laughter, " _I pff—k-know_ , h-hahahahaha~"

"S-STOP LAUGHING ALREADY!"

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 **05\. when he breaks, he fall, that's just how cruel breaking point is**

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Yuichiro felt like he had passed beyond the bounds of vengeance, _at least_ for a moment, before the person he swore over revenge for suddenly came from the dead _and_ tried to take him away from his newfound family.

He didn't understand it at first, the hatred and detest which reflected inside his (dead-but-alive) best friend's eyes, but then, when he learned about the experiments, about the drugs, about everything—he finally _understood_.

Understood he did, but he couldn't accepted it as a whole.

Mika was his best friend, his family, his important person. He was Yuichiro starting point. It was when he left him waiting for his death sentence, or when he ran out from that damned place, that he started a new life, a new beginning. And its purpose always binded him into a never-ending cycle of hatred and pain. So deep down, he couldn't accepted it, the reality that he's alive—but not quite exist. Mika would never be the same because he turned into the thing he hated the most.

Perhaps, it was the same with him too.

"Ne, Yuu-san." she snapped him out from his thoughts, and he stared at her with an almost religious intensity. "Do you regret it? Do you regret not leaving when you had the chance?" she asked.

His stare didn't falter. "I don't." he halted, "At least I don't _think_ so. I was relieved when I saw Guren's face that day. And I'm more than pleased when I met you—though you're annoying and all when we first met. And then there's Yoichi, Kimizuki, and Mitsuba. If I hadn't ran from that hell, if everything hadn't happened, then I wouldn't have met any of you, right?"

Yuichiro turned his face to watch the glittering sky. "Mika was—and still is—my starting point. When he's gone, _I was dying_ , little by little. After there's nothing left, I was born again—for revenge." he puffed out smokes from his mouth, "It's funny how fate keeps messing with our life."

"No, it's not." she fixed him a bitter smile. "It's not funny, but cruel." Shinoa embraced him from his side, seeking warmth from his body. "You know, Yuu-san, I think we need salvation, for everything that matters."

"You do?" he raised an eyebrow, "I don't know about salvation, but we're a sinner, aren't we?"

"That's right. That's why we need salvation, for what it's worth—there is heaven, after all." she said.

"Heaven? You sure about that?" he wanted to laugh at her, but decided not to. "What makes you think there's such a thing like heaven?"

She stopped breathing, and for a moment he was afraid that he had done something wrong.

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure." she smiled ruefully. He hated that smile. "There is always heaven, Yuu-san, because we've lived in hell."

"...that's true." he snorted. The irony. "But it can't keeps us as a whole, isn't it? The fact that it exists. We're going to break one way or another."

"I guess you right." Shinoa pursed her lips. "Ne, Yuu-san, do you think if Mika-san breaks, you will break too?"

"That's some twisted theory." he mused, "But no. I wont." his answer was quick and steady, "Mika was my starting point, but he's not my breaking point."

Shinoa watched him from her peripheral vision, "Then who is?"

A pause. A heartbeat. And a moment later, he smiled.

 _"You."_ said Yuichiro.

"…me?" the stare aimed at him was ridiculous, and he couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Yes." he chuckled, "It's you."

"…Why? Why me?" she frowned a little. "I... I don't.. understand..."

There was silence between them, and she stared at the boy beside her. Feeling her gaze on him, the black haired boy gave her a bitter smile and a squeeze of hand. "When I heard your scream... I snapped." his grip over her hand was firm, _warm_. "When I turned into something I hated, I tried to kill you." he halted a little to brought his face closer to hers. "When you embraced me; when I felt your warmth—I broke down into nothing."

"Yuu-san…" she whispered. "I—"

"If that didn't convince you, then I don't know what will." he cut her off, still smiling. But this time it was gentler, _tender_. "You _are_ my breaking point."

Shinoa didn't know what was the name of this feeling, it was so abstract and formless, that she couldn't even put her hand over it. And on top of it, he stared at her with something she couldn't decipher, a shapeless kind of thing, one she couldn't name—but she certainly knew what was the meaning behind those viridian eyes.

 _(they called it—)_

" _I know_." A smile was painted on her lips, her eyes twinkling as she whispered words between hers and his breath before she closed the distance between.

 _(love.)_

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 **Author's note:**

That's it. I should have went to sleep when I had the chance.

Anyway, thank you for reading, and 'till we meet again (hopefully in another story). :D


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